Day 2 Nightmare-Really? Does it get any worse?

December 2, 2011

(OKAY YESTERDAY'S ENTRY IS COPIED/PASTED HERE. IF YOU READ IT ALREADY SKIP TO THE NEXT ALL CAPS SECTION. 

It is 1:56 am on December the 3rd and I am just now writing this blog. Granted the majority of the time I write a days blog it's technically the day after between 1-3am however today is an exception. Given the circumstances from the previous days (for whatever the reason here I find myself typing the 2nd's before ever typing up the 1st of Decembers entry) I have literally been running on fumes. Crazy, delirious, stressed fumes at that. It's been a mad house. I honestly can't tell you when one day started & the next stopped so things may be a bit fuzzy & remember that here I sit typing a series of events on only 4 hours of sleep in a 72 hour time frame in one of the most stressful days of my life so this blog may bounce around a bit, if it even makes sense at all. My apologies.

So let's get started! The first thing I remember is shortly before 3 am. As usual I was awake but this time it was because I was worried about Jacelyn's health. I think now that I type this I forgot to include or perhaps at the time I wrote the previous blogs I didn't find it significant enough to include, (like telling you every time I went potty, what color, how much, lol) or simply I forgot but just to recap w/ out confusion:

On Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, we were leaving ETX & headed home to DFW. Jacelyn went to itch below her waistband that morning while getting dressed & her fingernail scratched her skin, breaking it open. Small, minor, insignificant (at the time) everyday scratch. I cleaned it as I would any scratch & told her not to touch it since it broke the skin . Not even enough for a bandaid really, not that we could have even given her once since we were at the hotel headed home for our 4 hr drive.

The day after on Saturday she asked why it was so itchy as she was trying to find comfort while rubbing & scratching at it. I talked to her about how wounds can itch as it heals & it's best not to touch because any open wound could become infected & that would result in an ouchie...more in more kid friendly terms.

Sunday she pointed the area saying it hurt & upon inspection I noticed a pimple. Not sure if it was a pimple or not, ant bite, or what, but a small pimple look alike bump that hurt. Nothing more.

Monday morning after she woke we immediately looked it over & noticed a small black dot in the middle of it. Aside from that nothing else had changed. We were thinking maybe a spider bite? Never know when you stay in a hotel. Called the Dr and we brought her in later that day during one of their open "sick" appointment time frames. Dr said it could be staph, we'll keep an eye on it. Since we had just battled staph (what 2 weeks ago? if that?) that it was a likely that even if it wasn't staph it could turn to staph. She prescribed us some oral & topical antibiotics and gave us instructions for hibiclens, etc. for if we needed to use them eventually we wouldn't have to bring her back in & expose her to more winter illnesses being passed around. She was fine at this point. Nothing hurt, we went about our day.

Tuesday-Wednesday is when my memory starts to fail me. At some point she becomes uncomfortable & it's confirmed staph. We were told staph is on every surface every person naturally has it on their skin because of this. Some people with open wounds are more susceptible to staph than others for no known reason. Jacelyn is one I guess. We go fill the script at the pharmacy on Wednesday and resort back to warm soaks in the tub & attempting to squeeze out the infection with no success. Dr office swapped patient information & called in wrong prescriptions. We received anti-fungal meds.

Thursday we call the Dr office back still trying to get the right meds & to inform them that the infection appeared to be spreading.She had a fever, her hip/leg hurt, & it was no longer draining the way it should resulting in a massive hard rock like lump. Her skin was even starting too look raw in that area. They said she needed the antibiotics for a while & it would help. That evening I told Joel I wasn't comfortable with the situation & I was taking her to the children's hospital.

OKAY HERE IS WHERE THE NEW INFO STARTS:

It was officially Friday by the time we arrived here (still here). She was running a 102 fever at arrival. They set up the IV's & talked about procedure in depth with me. They had to sedate her using three different types of medicine. We talked about all our options, pros, cons, side effects, etc. The whole works. I apologized for being annoying but told him I wanted to be as informed in this process as I could be.

In walks 2 nurses, the Dr, a medic & 2 other employees. This goes from being scary to serious feeling. It was like one those ER episodes where 50 rush in the room all doing something different. One dose of sedation was enough to put a grown 200+ lb guy under. She kept crying, yelling & fighting them. "Please no, don't hurt me! I have to pee! Stop! I need to give my mom a hug!" Any excuse she could think of to stop what was taking place, or at least to postpone it.

This is where details & raw emotions will not be wrote as I am still coping. I know if those gates open there will be a flood & I need to emotionally deal with myself before talking about everything and our situation is still a situation. We are still at the hospital. It's not over.

The medicine wasn't having an effect on  her. She was still alert & feeling everything. They did about 5-7 doses & realized her IV line went bad. They kept wondering & speculating why it wasn't having an affect on her, such a tiny (34 lbs) body. Her arm was swollen as the meds lumped up under the IV. Once sedated they did the surgery & it only lasted 10-15 minutes.

Due to the sedation complications she had to have a medic, nurse & Dr bedside until it wore off which was about 2 hours. Their concerns were that she was so heavily sedated she would forget or just stop breathing.

Once she was awake but yet loopy they transferred us upstairs to a private room & she was booked a more permanent room. We were in isolation, quarantined. Very strict rules. We had a caregiver test to take. Between all the new patient info with the new room it took a few hours. By the time all that was done she was pretty alert & most the meds had worn off.

We dealt with vitals, shift changes, the antibiotic packing, gauze changes, & warm soaks through-out the day. They have been marking the affected area with a pen & thankfully it's retracting. At this point it's equally as swollen as it was originally but she said there is some cellulitis which is why the rawhide look to that portion of the skin & the swelling. Plus after having surgery it will take a few days for swelling to go down anyways. She's feeling better. She's responding but still in a tremendous amount of pain. Unfortunately we still have to squeeze the infection out but now that the opening is actually open, it can come out whereas previously the opening had closed and that's why we weren't having the success that was really needed.

It's now 2:54 am and I'm watching my girls sleep while I type this, not able to sleep myself. At around 6:30-ish pm today (Friday/2nd) I get an on Facebook & a family member said "you need to call me ASAP." This particular family member is known for this phrase & it's usually something related to "Hey can you help me with this computer problem." or "Hey can you make a phone call for me right now." not really a matter of life or death. I had JUST (5 minutes before) posted my 1st anything that had to do with us being at the hospital, so I figured it had something to do with the usual and/or our current situation. At about that time our phones were ringing as well from other family members. We hadn't been able to talk to anyone. No service. Just enough to MAYBE dial out but even then you can't hear them & they can't hear you. It's been a game of "Can you hear me now?". I wrote him back & told him that I didn't have a phone & couldn't call, what is going on? I was dividing myself between the kids and completely stressed out with everything going on the computer was my LAST concern. Only time I checked back was while I grabbed a bite to eat and/or nursing Peyson to see if he replied.

The next IM I saw was "Find one then. Paw Paw passed a few hours ago." My heart sank. I feel like my heart jumped off a 1,00,000,000 story building & splattered across the ground. I froze. Numb. Disbelief. What, what? I swear time stopped. The entire world. Frozen. Is this some cruel, twisted, screwed up joke? 4 hours of sleep in 72 hours, surely my mind is playing games with me. Joel knew instantly something was wrong and tried asking me but my voice had escaped me. Forever gone. I tried. The words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. I knew that if I had spoken the words "My Paw Paw died." it would feel more real saying it out loud. I wasn't ready to say this. If I didn't speak it, surely it wouldn't be true? I know people age & death is a part of life but not my grandparents. They are untouchable. They would live for eternity. That's what my picture perfect world told me. This can't be. I asked Joel to watch the kids, excused my self with out saying why & asked the nurses at the station if there was a more private phone that I could use. My Grandfather just passed away. I love my kids but this is one instance I needed to be apart. I needed to take 5 seconds to be able to actually hear a phone conversation over them & my own sobbing to find out what happened. Why? WHY? WHY? WHY? All I know is that he was in the hospital for a few days & demanded to go home today. They discharged him. He played with their (PawPaw & Nanny's) dogs & then fell asleep in his chair. An hour or so later Nanny asked him if he wanted some of the food she was getting for herself & he didn't respond. My Mom, next door, ran over in attempt to bring him back to life. He died...and now my cheeks are revisited by the all too familiar tears that have been streaming downwards, in his sleep. He never got to meet Peyson. My PawPaw was close with every one. Everyone in the family was close to PawPaw. Was? I can't believe I have to say WAS. This isn't fair. I don't care how that sounds, childish or not, but I honest to God could easily down right throw a temper tantrum right now. I feel like a little kid, curled up in the corner of a dark room all alone, not getting her way, feeling like it's the end of the world. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's NOT fair! I don't want to watch my family suffer.

My first thoughts when I stepped back, away from my own sorrow & selfish feelings was concern of my Nanny. They have been together somewhere around 60 years. How does a woman come home to the house her & her husband of 60 years, built together, with their hands, and raised their family in it? I couldn't...I'd literally fall apart. How does she walk through that door?

It's 3:20 am & I have to stop talking. I'm an emotional basket case & I'm done.... I can't do this. I'm angry & I don't want to be. All these emotions of grief at once has broken me. We need you Lord. We all need you & most of all Nanny.

Question of the day:
It's now the 7th of December as I type this part (I just added the photo's). Joel & I were talking about the bill. Our insurance covers 80% so we owe the $500 + 20% and we're extremely scared to see the bill, especially after having a week off work. Is there any way by chance to lower the bill? I know it's a stretch but I've heard stories of people doing this just never knew if it was true or not. If so, how?

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